An Amazing Mathematical Result:
Everything is Nothing

I thought you'd like to see an interesting result I came up with. It's a proof that all numbers equal zero. This result, of course, has huge implications for life as we've come to be used to it. If all numbers equal zero, then I believe a logical conclusion can be drawn that nothing really exists, and that the entire universe as we perceive it is completely fictitious. As a mathematician, I can only assume responsibility for the logic of my conclusions; I must leave for the philosophers the interpretation of any resulting ramifications for humanity. Here is the proof, which uses only simple algebra and mathematical induction:

Let a = b = 1. We observe that

Based on our opening assumption, this has led us to

This is an obviously powerful result, but we can take it an amazing step further, and prove that all numbers are zero! We will use mathmatical induction.

1) The result has been shown for 1 (that is, that 1 = 0 ).

2) We assume the result for n, namely that n = 0, and prove the result for n + 1:

That's it! What that means is that no matter what n is,

n = 0.

Now, do you see the problem? Obviously, this proof contains some mathematical flaw somewhere, or we'd all suddenly wink out of existence. Take your pick; which of the following do you think it is?

a) With the liberals running the schools the way they do, they can use their subversive doublespeak to make you believe anything.

b) I've pulled something over on you that your teachers never wanted you to see -- math is totally screwed up, and we just make you study it because we're all a bunch of sadistic kid-haters. Our lack of social skills and general overall nerdliness force us to commit such atrocities in order to make us feel better about our own puny little selves. It's all a ruse.

c) The result is actually accurate, and this universe is all just one big horrific joke. This truth has not been widely publicized.

d) None of the above.

Click here if "ya gots ta know".

© 1999 Dan McGlaun